yet another dilemma

last weekend i went out with some friends, just like usual we chatted about lots of random and trivial topics. unlike my friends; i myself not really fond of gossips so when they were updating themself with the latest gossips about the so-called gay people...i was practically dozing off....until i heard my friend talked about this topic; most tops prefer their partners to be dependent, it seems that most tops like to spoil, pamper and coddle their partners...

since the topic was starting to be more interesting, i ended up my dozing session and paid more attention. according to my friends (who are mostly bottoms), tops have unbeatable ego; they like their partner to need them and the most shocking fact they utter to me is that we (bottoms) should learn how to menye-menye (i don't even know what is the english word for that; it means to act cute and spoiled and speak with spoily and weird voice).

actually i dislike those spoiled brats who often menye2, i even once told my friend stop menye2 with his bf when i'm around. so this so-called fact strucked me...at first i didn'n buy that, i tried to argue this fact, until my friend said the magic sentence: "when is the last time you have a boyfriend??" *it hit me precisely, that i went to a long mute*

yes it was more than a year ago since i broke up with my last bf, yes i'm looking and haven't found the one, yes i've dated some guys and none went to further relationship, and many more yes bla3

so i went to silence and listened carefully to the relationship-guru, and the next part of our conversation has worsen; he took me as an example!!!! look at you; you're still young, attractive person with proporsional body, nice attitude and great personality, normally the kind of you will be out from the market in less than a month *thx for the compliments relationship-guru* but in reality you're still on sale since last year.....

painful but true, case closed, i don't have any word to defend myself....

ok, the conclusion is that we (bottoms) can be whoever or whatever we want, maybe we are independent and unspoiled bitch or whatever, but if we want to please our date and maybe want him to want us more; then we should try being more dependent and menye-menye....

this brought me to the dilemma i'm having, should i be more dependent and menye2 to the guys i like in order to attract them?? and if they are attracted enough to have a relationship with me, what if i can't put on the mask for any longer??

or should i be the original me; the one who never care about gossip, who dependent enough to do anything i want without any help and i who despise those who menye2 at public places???

and the thing is...i'm getting bored being single