miserable

that's the perfect word to describe my condition now....miserably and desperately in need of partner. been trying everything to get rid this annoying thing out of my head, but it just keep coming back; the things that i've never get laid, i've never kissed any guy....owh...i really need a hunk now!!!!! i jus want to love and to be loved, as far as i know; every human being deserves love, but how come i've never felt it before?!?!?!!! well i fell in love to some guy *i think* but there's nobody, no single soul in this universe that love me back.

been watching queer as folks, and im burnt in jealousy now. i want to live there, i want to be one of their community, to be free to express my feeling, to find someone and to get laid. i dont want to stuck in here and be a hypocrite forever, i want to do what i want; not what other people do. fuck with the social norms!!fuck with the religions!!! i was born this way, its not my fault. why can't i just be myself and continue living a life that i want.

the thoughts kept haunting me lately, i didnt get sufficient sleep last night. i'm sleepy but i kept thinking why was i born this way, and why cant people accept me just the way i am. ive tried everything to be able to sleep, watched some movies, browsed some porns, watched porns, jerked off...but still i didnt fell asleep........maybe if i stop blaming people for everything happened to me, i'll feel better....i'll try....i just need some sleep (and a partner to accompany me)